I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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