Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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