well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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