Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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