My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
