i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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