dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize