I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
