no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
