You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
