barbara walters just said penis...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
