I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
