Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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