And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
