nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
