after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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