Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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