quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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