oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
