She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
