Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
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i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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