i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
