I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
