im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
