I heard we made out
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
