there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
