This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we're making bets on your personal life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize