Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
