I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
