YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
