That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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