hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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