You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
