Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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