I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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