A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
