Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
