so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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