mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
