My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
