First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
