I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
