when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
