I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm passing your future prison.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
