If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
