i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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