I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
