Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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