that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
