just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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