the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
