He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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