She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
