so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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