actually, I'm a sock model
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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