it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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