I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
