All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
