Your face is a jimmy john
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
