weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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