a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
