I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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