Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
