it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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