After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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