is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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