i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
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I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
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White people are beatboxing! Save me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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