My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
