the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
