she takes plan B like it's going out of style
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
